The author recounts her childhood experience of losing her mother to breast cancer, starting from a Christmas ski trip in 1999 when she first expressed fear of losing her. Her mother, diagnosed in her early thirties, battled the disease for years, and the author struggled with guilt over her own emotions and reactions to her mother's illness. As she navigated her teenage years, she often felt overwhelmed by the reality of her mother's declining health, culminating in a heartbreaking moment when her mother comforted her after receiving bad news about her condition. Following her mother's death, the author found a path to healing through biology, leading to an unexpected connection when her father married a scientist researching cancer. Now, 15 years later, she reflects on her journey, understanding that her childhood guilt was a natural response to an incredibly difficult situation. The arrival of her younger sister, Flora, has helped her reconnect with her own innocence and realize that she did her best during a challenging time.